Thanksgiving Things To Be Thankful For

Thanksgiving is the greatest holiday known to man. What other day would it considered rude to not eat till you piss blood? I couldn’t think of any during the time it took me to type that sentence, so there is probably only 5 or so. But in my world, there is only one: Thanksgiving. So, what better way to celebrate than to reflect on some of the Thanksgiving things to be most thankful for?

8 Thanksgiving Things To Be Thankful For:

  1. Parades: 364 days a year, parades make me want to drown a puppy, but on this one day, parades are a sentimental spooning sessions with days long past. That’s till 3 minutes pass and I am sick of parades again.
  2. Pigskin: There is so much football on television during Thanksgiving, you might spontaneously turn into John Madden and start yelling, “Brett Favre! Boom! Turducken!!! ” And you get to watch the Detroit Lions… and the Dallas Cowboys… and the Cincinnati Bengals. Wait! I am thankful for this?

    John Madden Thanksgiving

  3. Awkward Moments: This is different for each person, but most people are guaranteed at least one of these during Thanksgiving… and they are always glorious. Mine usually comes in the form of someone waking up from a nap, only to catch me staring at them. There’s not really a lot one can say to unweird that moment. Did I mention that I am rubbing a stick of butter on my face as I watch them? Sorry, Grandma.
  4. Pilgrim Fashion: If society would let me, I would be rocking pilgrim attire daily. One day helps make it all the more special though. Shoe buckles, hat buckles, belt buckles, and small pox infused blankets help to create an ensemble that screams, “I am awesome. Award me with turkey and pie before I take your land, you!!”Pilgrim Attire
  5. Gluttony: Thanksgiving is not about gifts or Jesus. It’s about eating and drinking till you pass out or can’t feel your face. It’s a holiday centered around a meal, and leading up to that meal it’s not unusual to eat so much that you actually get tired… FROM EATING! Holy crap! God bless America!
  6. Holiday Movies: There are some movies that capture the essence of the holiday season and the one month these movies don’t induce murderous intentions begins with Thanksgiving day.
  7. Giving Thanks: Few moments presents themselves where it’s so easy to make your entire family uncomfortable. We’re all thankful for different things, but those things we’re thankful for can offer some unintended incite into who we are. “I’m thankful I got that job I wanted.” “I’m glad no one ever found that hooker’s body.” “I’m glad you never realized how similar you look to the mail man.” You get the idea.
  8. Food: Without food, I would have nothing to eat this Thanksgiving. I would also be dead.

    The Thanksgiving Food Pyramid

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Have a safe and happy Turkey Day, y’all. Cheers!

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